According to the CDC, 61% of adults in the US have experienced childhood trauma and a staggering 42 million of them will die 20 years earlier as a result.
“It is an epidemic that demands global attention,” says Childhood Trauma Expert Michael Menard.
“When a child experiences trauma, it alters brain development and affects body chemistry, persisting into adulthood. 5 of the top 10 causes of death come from health issues created by childhood trauma.”
Menard is dedicated to raising awareness about the trauma linked to Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). Through his non-profit, the May Avenue Foundation, he aims to offer free resources, tools, and therapy to individuals affected by trauma. Menard’s book, "The Kite That Couldn’t Fly," shares his personal childhood experience as one of 14 siblings raised in poverty with an alcoholic father. His goal is to shed light on ACEs and inspire others to share their stories.
I had a chance to interview him to learn more.
How can childhood trauma continue to follow us as adults?
When a child experiences trauma, everything changes. The child’s brain development takes a different path. The effect on the child’s brain, if untreated or not healed, will remain through adulthood. The disorders that originate from the trauma may erupt in the adult years, even decades later. It may result in mild anxiety, depression, anger, failed relationships, addictions, and self-harm.
In addition to mental health disorders, the trauma also changes the biology of the child into adulthood, resulting in a long list of possible health problems including high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity, COPD, and cancer to name a few. The CDC reports that 5 of the top 10 illnesses that kill us come from complex childhood trauma. If the child has experienced 4 or more Adverse Childhood Experiences before they are 17, they will die 20 years too early.
Peter A. Levine, PhD says: “The effects of unresolved childhood trauma can be devastating. It can affect our habits and outlook on life, leading to addictions and poor decision-making. It can take a toll on our family life and interpersonal relationships. It can trigger real physical pain, symptoms, and disease. And it can lead to a range of self-destructive behaviors.”
What are some kinds of childhood experiences that people may not think are "trauma" but really are?
The categories of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) include mental, physical, and sexual abuse. It also includes neglect of all types, denying the child the basics of love, food, shelter, and security. ACEs happen when a child is brought up in a home with fighting parents, additions, and mental health issues.
The most prevalent types of childhood trauma that people may not think are trauma but they include neglect and shaming-type behaviors.
Many times the destruction from childhood trauma did not come from what happened to you, it came from what didn’t happen to you. My younger brother, the 12th out of 14 siblings told me as a young child he felt invisible, “no one knew I was alive.” A child being neglected does just as much destruction as being physically or sexually abused.
Unkind words that belittle and shame the child are also childhood traumas. I know of a man who is now 70 years old. Let’s call the man Stan. When Stan was a child his mother told him and his siblings that God kept a big book with a section for each child where He wrote all the good things on the left page and the bad things on the right side of the page. The boy Stan asked his mother, “What do you think God writes on my pages?” His mother responded, “Nothing, you are so bad God doesn’t even care about you.” To this day, some 60 years later, Stan is troubled daily by this hurtful comment.
Parents, be mindful of what you say to your children. Glenn Schiraldi, PhD writes in his book The Adverse Childhood Experiences Recovery Workbook:
“A guiding principle is that mature love, not time is the healing agent. Love—sometimes called by its other names, such as caring, respect, acceptance, compassion, loving-kindness, gentle friendliness, or concern—changes the brain and body in beneficial ways. Love softens traumatic memories. And memories of being loved, that we access or create, help us tolerate suffering. As one of the world’s foremost neuroscientists Richard Davidson (2009) remarked regarding love’s capacity to reshape the brain, “It all comes down to love.” If love was in short supply in the developing years, you can learn to supply it later in life.”
If someone has experienced trauma during childhood, what can they do now?
If you know you have experienced childhood trauma, and if you have any mental or physical disorders that are keeping you from being your best version of yourself, begin the journey of The Promise of Healing. Some suggestions on how to achieve healing are included below.
Many adults suffering from the disorders of childhood trauma have no memory of the childhood trauma. If you are experiencing anxiety, sleeplessness, relationship issues, any form of addiction, headaches, or poor health, think about the possibility that you may have experienced childhood trauma. I’m not suggesting that you go on a search to dig up things that didn’t happen. A therapist is a great resource to help you uncover what might have happened to you.
The good news is that almost everyone can achieve the Promise of Healing. In my book, The Kite That Couldnt Fly which will be available June 1, 2024, I offer some tips on how to begin the journey of healing that include:
1. Open Up
It’s been said that we are as sick as our secrets. Find someone you trust and share honestly how you feel and what happened to you. Develop a constructive outlet for your painful secrets. Surround yourself with people you trust who know your saga and will journey with you.
2. Develop Healing Attitudes
I know, easier said than done.
Start with admitting to yourself that you were strong enough and resilient enough to survive your adverse experiences and for surviving a difficult childhood. Give yourself credit. Understand and believe you are already starting with an inner strength that can be grown.
3. Self-Care
Think of all the things that bring you joy, peace, and relief. Make a list of these things and write them down. Turn to that list when the work of recovery and healing becomes hard. Take care of your brain by focusing on sleep, nutrition, and exercise, even if it is a walk in the park.
Don’t forget about the boring self-care stuff: the doctor’s appointments, the dishes, making the bed. Celebrate each boring self-care task, however small.
4. Ask Yourself for Patience
Healing can be hard work, and it takes time. You will experience highs and lows. You may be tired one day and invigorated another. Be patient with yourself and ask your loved ones also to be patient.
5. Feed Your Soul
Psychiatrist Harold Koenig has been at the forefront of spiritual research. He reports that hundreds of studies find a positive correlation between spirituality and well-being. (Koenig, King, and Carson, 2012). Among adults, those having a belief in and a relationship with God showed better outcomes on measures of self-esteem, hopelessness, and substance abuse (Hammermeister and Peterson, 2001). Spirituality can be defined as:
· Knowing that God loves you deeply and truly. “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3)
· Being involved in a church. You may have had a hurtful experience with religion and church. As my friend Michael Edwards has said many times, “Don’t let humanity get in the way of you having a relationship with God.”
· Having daily spiritual experiences, such as feeling God’s presence and love.
· Feeling thankful for blessings. My mother always said, “The Lord loves a thankful heart.”
· Feeling forgiveness from God and forgiving others.
· Knowing that you are not in this alone—looking to God for strength and collaborating with God to solve problems.
“To be able to bring His peace, joy, and love, we must have it ourselves, for we cannot give what we have not. This requires that we spend time with God. Look at Him, open our hearts to him, and empty our hearts of all that is not Him.” - Mother Teresa
6. Consider Therapy
Some trauma and toxic stress will require therapy to achieve healing. You may need someone to walk alongside of you as you do this work. Therapy can help you process the past, create stability in the present, and give you tools for the future. Do not expect or ask family of friends to be pseudo-therapists for you. Invest in yourself and experience the freedom you deserve and have been longing for. Proven therapies such as EMDR and Accelerated Resolution Therapy are highly recommended by mental health experts to heal trauma from your childhood.
What can families do to help their children in the event of traumatic experiences?
Based on my research, most traumatic experiences are caused by members of the family, most often the parents of the primary caregiver. So it’s unlikely that the offender will be able to provide the help required by the sufferer. However, in the event that a child experiences a traumatic episode from outside the family, then the family can help the child by:
Removing the child from the source of the trauma
Reinforce how much the child is loved
Never blame the child for the trauma they experienced - it is never the child’s fault.
Encourage the child to open up about what happened
Seek professional help from a therapist specializing in childhood trauma recovery and healing
MORE DETAILS ABOUT MICHAEL MENARD:
Michael Menard’s journey from a childhood marked by complex trauma to a successful adult is a story of post-traumatic growth. As a teenager, he gained confidence and presentation skills as a member of a popular local rock band in Chicago. His early years were characterized by innovation, as seen in his creation of mouse-skin gloves at age 12 and his idea for a disposable diaper with elastic legs at age 19, leading to his first patent.
Michael’s inventiveness caught the attention of Johnson & Johnson, where he eventually became the Worldwide Vice President of Engineering, earning a total of 14 patents that revolutionized the absorbent products industry. His inventions are now responsible for over $50 billion in annual sales.
Michael later founded The GenSight Group, a consulting and software company, advising major corporations like Coca-Cola and NASA. He is the author of two best-selling business books and remains the President of GenSight. Living in Tennessee with his wife, Emilie, Michael is a proud father of five daughters and grandfather to nine grandchildren.
In “The Kite That Couldn’t Fly: And Other May Avenue Stories,” Michael Menard crafts a captivating memoir, weaving a narrative of resilience and hope from the threads of his challenging childhood. Raised amidst poverty and complex trauma, Menard was one of 14 siblings, each uniquely shaped by their shared experiences. His memoir transcends mere storytelling; it’s a journey through the harrowing and the humorous, the unbelievable and the universal, resonating deeply with the human spirit of overcoming adversity.
Menard’s life is a beacon of triumph, demonstrating that out of the darkest circumstances can emerge the brightest futures. His account is not just his own but a voice for those who have faced similar trials. The writing of this book and realizing that 1 in every 5 children suffer from childhood trauma led him to develop the May Avenue Foundation. This foundation will provide free-of-cost faith-based therapy to anyone who needs it.
FOR MORE INFORMATION VISIT:
https://thekitethatcouldntfly.com/ and https://www.gofundme.com/f/enable-healing-from-childhood-trauma
Planet: Building Your Own World.
Photosynthesis: Embrace the Power of Growth.
Wonder Woods: Exploring the Forest.